Thursday, April 17, 2008

A Second Pair of Eyes Page 1

I have revised Project 4, Phase 4--Classification. I am posting it in 4 different posts. I made significant changes from Phase 3. I think most work. What do you think?


Amanda Agatstein said...

Hi Jill. I'm going to comment on content and writing more than design as usual. I think the overall classification is much better now. I immediately can tell the difference in each category and I don't think there is overlap anymore. Great job!

On page 2 (okay, this is sort of a design thing) in the intro box in orange, the font changes near the end. Also, the last paragraph in that intro might be unnecessary. It seems repetitive and it reads a bit like marketing copy for minivans.

Actually I think everything in that intro starting from "According to Chrysler's website" to the end can be taken out. The first part of the intro is a lot stronger and ending with what your article is about to prove is probably the best way to lead into it.

The Taxi intro and the Office intro are a bit too similar, both constructed of "Part this, and part that..." so maybe you can change one of them up. Also, the Kitchen intro is a lot longer than all the others, so I'd try to shorten it up to match.

I like how you incorporated the tips for moms into some of the content. It doesn't stand out too much from the ones without tips so it just really fits in well. I like the voice you've given the article. Nice job, see you Saturday.

Joshua Harless said...

looking really good.

A few suggestions:

Taxi in your header and Taxi in your photo is redundant -- I got in trouble in the first assignment for 'Texas' on the shirt, and 'Texas' in the title, however I don't know of another image that relates to taxis and has words in it like the other images. The image for 'baby on board' is stretched, and can be increased in size in the box, creating an interesting crop. ie you don't have to see the whole sign to know what it is/says.

the biggest issue is the ghosted van. it works on the second spread as a background. but on the first spread it reads as a background as well, and not the actual image. This leaves a large empty space under your header. One suggestion, which may or may not be achievable, is to remove the car from the photo (called silhouetting) and change the color so it isn't faded. It doesn't have to span the entire spread, but the front bumper could rest under your orange box. This way you can see the van details and it will add more interest to the page. Especially if the top carrier rack of the van overlaps the header bar rectangle. But this may not be achievable. You may be able to find another image such as an interior photo of a very messy/unorganized van--then run it as large as you can under your header graphic on the first page. Hope these suggestions help. Otherwise really great revisions!